Domestic Homicides: Perpetrators Should Be Held Responsible

Every day approximately 4 women are killed by their intimate partners. One third of all the women murdered in the US, are murdered by their intimate partners. The numbers have never stopped troubling me.

With domestic homicides being nothing new to the states we live in and our nation and world as a whole, it’s troubling that so many people can’t see the problem that is right under our noses. The problem of male violence against women is so vast; one would think it’s unmistakable. Unfortunately, however, male violence against women seems to go largely unrecognized by most who have not experienced it themselves. It is most severely unnoticed by the general public when it is happening within the context of an intimate relationship. Isn’t that illogical? Is this not the ultimate betrayal of trust? Is this not terrorism in its absolute worst form – within the supposed comfort of your own home? Is this not the epitome of civil and human rights violations – robbing women and children of their right to autonomy? I hear and read about the countless women and children who have experienced violence at the hands of the person who was supposed to love them most, and I wonder, how is it that people can manage to look the other way?

Last week, I read that on July 25, 2011 in New Gloucester, Maine, a woman, with the help of her friend, tried leaving her husband with her four children. Her effort to leave resulted in the woman and her friend being shot to death by the woman’s husband, all in the presence of the children. These murders brought the number of homicides in Maine to a total of 17 since the beginning of the year; at least half of the homicides have been the result of domestic violence.

The Bureau of Justice Statistics reports that:

• 
  
  The total estimated number of intimate partner homicide victims in 2007 was 2,340, including 1,640 females and 700 males. Females made up 70% of victims killed by an intimate partner in 2007, a proportion that has changed very little since 1993.*


• 
  
  Females were killed by intimate partners at twice the rate of males. In 2007 the rate of intimate partner homicide for females was 1.07 per 100,000 female residents compared to 0.47 per 100,000 male residents.*

• 
  
  *We must keep in mind that many of the women who commit violent acts against their male intimate partners do so as a response to being battered by these partners.

Although the numbers are often important, the stories of women tragically murdered by their spouses are most important. These women should not go forgotten and most certainly shouldn’t be recognized only as a statistic.

On July 23, 2011, a man committed suicide after the mass murder of his wife and four of her family members at his child’s birthday party in Grand Prairie, Texas. The perpetrator and his wife had separated in December 2010 after she sought the relief of a protection order. In her request for this relief, she disclosed to the courts that she had been enduring severe physical and emotional abuse for a number of years. She told the courts of multiple incidents where her husband drew his gun on her threatening her life — she mentioned that he had even fired the gun in the house with the children present. After he shot her the evening of the 23rd, he stood over her body saying “I told you so” and continued on to kill four of her family members before killing himself. This man had no criminal history and interviews from her family suggest that they never would have guessed he would have taken it this far.

Her story is not unfamiliar. Many abusers go undetected by family and the law as he did. The little information about her story that I was able to obtain, suggests that she tried to leave him more than once and further suggests that he had a strong hold on her as many abusers do.“Just leaving” him was difficult for her as it is for most victims of domestic violence. Stories like hers are everywhere.

What often troubles me even more than the statistics and the numbers are the cruel responses people have with regard to these kinds of tragedies. Much of the public still misunderstands the dynamics of domestic violence and this never ceases to remind me how much growing our society has yet to do. Insensitivity toward victims of domestic violence is all too common.

On July 17, 2011, a 19 year old woman from Mankato, MN was stabbed to death by her boyfriend. Articles suggest that the perpetrator stabbed his girlfriend after she told him she didn’t want to continue dating him. Friends of this woman disclosed to the police that the boyfriend had a history of concerning behaviors. They described a recent incident where they witnessed him, angrily, throwing her phone into the lake the week before her murder. They further disclosed that in April 2011 the victim’s boyfriend slashed the tires on her car after an argument. This naturally pointed the police toward her ex boyfriend as the primary suspect.

The perpetrator cooperated with police and almost immediately confessed to murdering her. He explained that he stabbed his girlfriend during an argument in the car and when she tried to get away, he chased after her, pinned her down to the ground, and continued to brutally stab her. He left her dying body on a median, on a closed road, where she laid for hours before construction workers found her.

With tragedies like this, it should be reasonable to assume that people would naturally find the perpetrators to be 100% at fault and find no reason to blame victims for what happens to them. Often, that’s not the case. People who posted comments under these news articles suggested that it was her fault for not breaking up with him in a public location; she put herself in the position to be seriously harmed and killed. It might be easy to dismiss these comments as people who have nothing better to do than to be angry all over the web, but really, this is a common thread found everywhere. Many people feel like women are responsible for what happens to them.

When in a violent relationship, a woman is, alarmingly, 75% more likely to be killed when she leaves her abuser. The when, where, and how she leaves her abuser doesn’t guarantee her safety. Many people are unaware of this lethality risk and are unaware of the resources available to victims to help them get support while in their relationships or to create a plan in order to get out safely.

Unfortunately, blaming the victim is a practice that is all too common. Rarely do I come by an article pertaining to domestic violence that someone, somewhere can’t find a reason to blame the woman. Too many people are quick to ask “What about her?” “What could she have done differently?” Furthermore, if this were a woman killed on the street by a stranger, or if the victim was their mother, sister, or friend would people be asking the same questions? My guess is no. What is going on here? Seldom are people asking “What about him?” “What about his repeated abusive behaviors?” Or more broadly, “Why are men the primary perpetrators of violence?”

Women are disproportionately, when compared to men, victims of these violent crimes. Any website with victims of crime statistics will tell you that 1 in 4 women will be a victim of domestic violence. 1 in 12 women will be a victim of stalking. 1 in 5 women will experience an attempted or completed rape between the ages 18-25. Furthermore, 98% of rapes and sexual assaults and 95% of domestic violence is perpetrated by men. These numbers are alarming but often seem to be overlooked and, as a result, women continue to be blamed for what happens to them.

It feels rather concerning there are still so many people unaware – as I once was – as to how big of a problem this really is. Is there any one thing to blame for male violence? No. Do we need to assess this as an issue and take action now? Yes. However, this requires momentum to create change.

Men need to feel challenged to not desire control over women. Men need to become allies and take action by assessing their own values and capabilities to assist in this change. Men should challenge other men to promote non-violence and respect toward women.

The most popular music, movies, and TV shows often normalize and even find humor in violence which is undoubtedly aiding the public’s minimal understanding around this issue. Jackson Katz, a leading anti-sexist activist, challenges men everywhere to assess these issues. He wrote a fantastic blog about the topic regarding media influence and I highly encourage reading it.

I challenge readers to assess these very issues for themselves and also encourage you to challenge friends and family to do the same. We can create change if we work together!

If you’re a victim of domestic violence,

call the National Domestic Violence Hotline to seek resources near you.

1−800−799−SAFE(7233) TTY :1−800−787−3224

Music to Feed the Soul...and Sojourn

Sojourn is deeply grateful to Annette Conlon who pulled together a seriously healing evening of beautiful music on February 11, 2011 that featured brilliant artists Mary Scholz, Le-Ti, Patsy Moore, Stacy Robin, and The Conlons.

The energy of the night was amazingly positive and supportive. The show was broadcast over Nette Radio (www.netteradio.com) and raised much needed funds for all of Sojourn's programs, including our shelters for battered women and their children and our hotline. Check out the following links to hear some of the incredible music of the evening:

http://ustre.am/:R0Do NR02/11/11-TalkingStick-SojournBenefit-Pt1, NetteRadio Affect The Effect Benefit for Sojourn 02/11/11

and

http://ustre.am/:R0Jz
021111-NetteRadio Sojourn Benefit at The Talking Stick-Pt2, NetteRadio Affect The Effect Benefit for Sojourn 02/11/11

Above photos of the event were taken by Mickey Yeh. Learn more about his work at Mickey Yeh Photography www.mickeyyehphotography.com or contact him at moonstonemick@gmail.com.

Thank you Annette for putting together this wonderful night of music, and for helping us continue to do our life-saving work!

White House Obama Event to end Domestic Violence

This past October 27th the unimaginable happened! For the first time ever, a United States president spoke up about Domestic Violence! Where? How? you might be asking yourself. Through an event held at the white house in which leaders across the nation where gathered to hear our national leader speak out about this prevalent societal problem.

Some of the initiatives highlighted during the event demonstrate a broad, comprehensive response to reducing violence against women. Specifically, these concrete actions include steps to:

• Protect Children and Break the Cycle of Violence
• Improve Legal Protections for Victims of Domestic Violence
• Increase Sexual Assault Arrests and Successful Prosecutions
• Help Victims Regain Housing and Financial Independence

Obama stated in this event:
Those are just a few of the steps we’re taking. But the bottom line is this: No one in America should live in fear because they are unsafe in their own home – no adult, no child. And no one who is the victim of abuse should ever feel as though they have no way to get out. We need to make sure that every victim of domestic violence knows that they are not alone; that there are resources available to them in their moment of greatest need. As a society, we need to ensure that if a victim of abuse reaches out for help, we are there to lend a hand.

Sojourn Agrees with and applauds the Obama administration for fighting for the protection, safety and rights of battered women and children.

Guess Shirt made for Sojourn in honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month

October its the month when if you are lucky, you can spot someone wearing a little purple ribbon pinned to their shirts as a reminder of Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Well this October Ella Marciano, daughter of Guess CEO Paul Marciano went a step further by creating a stylish Guess shirt called the "Love Tank" as a way to stand against domestic violence.

Ella became aware of Sojourn services through a dear family friend Vanessa Marcil, and after learning more about Domestic Violence, Ella was convinced she wanted to make a difference!
As they decided to join forces, Marcil shared "I have been involved with Sojourn for years, so it is a very special project for us," Soaps In Depth.

Ella chose the words "hope," "love," "courage," "strength," "community" and "empower" that create a heart shape on the front of the shirt in purple, which is the official color of National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

"I thought a heart would be perfect because it symbolizes love, which is such a powerful word," Ella said.

The Sojourn Guess Tank is $24 and will debut Oct. 14th at a launch party at GUESS' Hollywood. With 100% of the proceeds going to Sojourn Services For Battered Women And Their Children we want to encourage everyone to check it out

http://shop.guess.com/Catalog/View/W04311K00E0

Obama Takes A Stand

A truly great win for our community and the larger world.

This week the story of a Mexican woman with a history of domestic violence at the hands of her common law husband and her plight to overcome her terrifying but not uncommon situation demanded the attention of the Executive Office.

The Obama administration recognized her situation and granted her asylum within the United States.

At Sojourn, we could not be more thrilled. This case is groundbreaking and may open doors to those seeking asylum because of domestic violence in the future.

As quoted by The New York Times, Simona Agnolucci who represented the defendant, “The Department of Homeland Security has recognized that asylum should be available to women who have suffered domestic violence and whose governments won’t protect them. Now the day finally came when the department said these are the criteria required to show a case for asylum.”

Read more at, http://www.globalshift.org/2010/08/16/obama-administration-extends-asylum-for-domestic-violence-victims/

photo thanks, Ms. Magazine

Katz: Gibson is a teachable moment

I am on the road and the lovely Pat Butler alerted me to this posting on HuffPo by Jackson Katz. Katz studies male violence against women and the cultural circumstances that allow and even encourage this type of behavior. His work deeply aligns with and supports the mission of Sojourn and this article speaks to his intelligence and ability to analyze violence against women.

Thank you Jackson.

The Huffington Post

Posted: August 2, 2010 08:09 PM

Mel Gibson and a "Teachable Moment" About Rape in Celebrity Media Culture

By Jackson Katz, Ph.D.

Anti-rape educators around the world have Mel Gibson to thank for providing them with a truly global teachable moment in the wake of his violent, misogynist, racist tirade against his ex-girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva. In the audiotape of the angry rant that has been replayed endlessly on cable TV and the Internet, Gibson is heard threatening Grigorieva (she needs a "bat to the side of the head") and calling her the c-word, not to mention telling her that because of the way she was dressed, if she is "raped by a pack of n***ers," "it will be (your) fault."

Grigorieva clandestinely taped Gibson, she said, out of fear for her own safety. She wanted prosecutors and the public to see what she had seen -- in private. The result is not only a boon to celebrity gossip shows, web sites and tabloid magazines. The star of Braveheart, Lethal Weaponand The Patriot has now inadvertently starred in an educational program of sorts that -- like some of his movies -- will be played and discussed for years to come.

In a (presumably) drunken tirade, the cinematic superstar did a great service to the anti-rape and anti-domestic violence movements by reminding everyone of the urgent need to expand gender violence prevention education, precisely to counteract the kind of ignorant and hateful attitudes and beliefs that -- as Gibson's comments suggested -- continue to fester in the psyches of too many men in our society.

In their own twisted way, Gibson's words are valuable precisely because they embody a range of male supremacist and racist beliefs that first need to be exposed if they are ever to be overcome. In fact, in just one sentence (of the longer taped conversation) Gibson not only provided concrete evidence that two long-discredited and damaging rape myths still persist; but he also managed to demonstrate the misogynous anger that lies close to the ideological core of a rapist mentality, and to provide one example of the many intersections of sexism and racism.

(Because of what you wear) if you are raped by a pack of n***ers, it will be (your) fault.
Anti-rape educators have encountered this type of victim-blaming for decades (e.g. her sexy clothes suggest she is asking for it; "it will be her fault" if she is raped). The Gibson tapes merely add the latest celebrity case study to a bulging file of victim-blaming statements made to and about women by misogynistic and aggressive men.

Far more interesting from a pedagogical standpoint is the way Gibson sexualized his anger toward his ex-girlfriend. People often say hurtful things when they are enraged. But when searching for a way to say something hurtful, Gibson quickly invoked the threat of sexual violence ("If you are raped..."). For anti-rape educators, this is the heart of the teachable moment. Gibson's performance offers intimate evidence of the fact that rape often is -- as feminists have long maintained -- an act whereby men seek to assert power and control over, and sometimes inflict cruelty and brutality on women (and other men), not out of frustrated sexual desire, but out of a range of emotional and psychological needs and identity issues.

In addition, because this was Mel Gibson, the aggressive misogyny came wrapped in racist language and caricature. But tempting as it may be for some to attribute Gibson's periodic outbursts to his serious psychological and substance-abuse problems, his sexism/racism, like his rape-myth acceptance and promotion, reflects beliefs that are, sadly, still held by a substantial number of white men.

In that sense, while it is easy and comforting to dismiss him as a disturbed and addicted man whose pathologies become public spectacles because of his celebrity, Mel Gibson's periodic rants provide a valuable -- if unsettling -- glimpse into certain aspects of the collective id of middle-aged (and younger) white American males. His role as an iconic movie star who over the years has touched a nerve with audiences in his depictions of heroic men driven to righteous violence by threats to them, their family or the larger community imbue his real-world transgressions with even greater significance, because he wouldn't have become so popular if his on-screen persona hadn't resonated with millions of men (and women, perhaps for different reasons).

In the wake of his recent self-imposed troubles, it might be comforting for many of his fans to take refuge in the idea that they respect the actor's work but cannot identify with the small man behind the curtain. This might be true for some. But Mel Gibson's misogynous racism is hardly aberrational.

Take Gibson's racist use of the n-word in the context of an angry diatribe against his ex-girlfriend, whom he has (allegedly) physically abused. Gibson's words drew their power from an old and powerful cultural stereotype of African American men as animalistic ("pack") rapists of white women. This racist trope persists well beyond the confines of Mel Gibson's deranged psyche.

Consider the current popularity among white men of interracial gonzo pornography, which features caricatured and racist depictions of big, strong African American men roughly penetrating petite white women and treating them (in typical gonzo fashion) like sub-human sperm receptacles. The sociologist Gail Dines, author of the newly-released Pornland: How the Porn Industry is Hijacking our Sexuality, suggests that this type of porn is popular because, like much of contemporary porn, it sexualizes men's hostility and anger toward women. In the eyes of (some) white men, Dines says, "what better way to debase a white woman than to deploy the racist cultural codes of black men as sexually predatory, savage and debauched?"

In other words, Mel Gibson's racist fantasies deployed against his ex seem to share much in common with those of a lot of white men -- the major difference being that he used racist language in a verbal assault against an actual woman in an unscripted encounter, not under the guise of entertainment in the privacy of his own auto-erotic pleasures. And of course, he got caught.

This latest Gibson debacle also reminds us of how far we have to go to shift social norms around the acceptance of men's mistreatment of women. Gibson has been roundly -- and rightly -- criticized by commentators for his racist comments. But in mainstream media coverage, reaction to his virulent sexism has been notably muted. In the infamous rant, Gibson alluded to a January 2010 incident where he allegedly punched Grigorieva in the face. She says he was violent with her on several occasions; the Los Angeles County Sheriff's department is investigating. And yet in much of the media commentary about the potential repercussions of the leaked tape incident for Gibson's career, his alleged domestic violence is underplayed or absent altogether.

For example, in a July 13 Los Angeles Times piece by movie industry columnist Patrick Goldstein about Gibson's professional future, Goldstein wrote that many (white) talent agency chiefs and studio bosses want nothing to do with Gibson right now because they don't want to risk outraging their important African American clients. This suggests an encouraging trend in Hollywood (and beyond), where, presumably, professional consequences for racist behavior by whites seem to be increasing.

Left out of this account and many others was any similar discussion about repercussions for sexism, such as women clients being upset that their agency might consider working with a raging sexist and alleged woman abuser. And where are the comments from men -- inside or outside Hollywood -- that express strong disapproval of Gibson's sexist violence?

I must confess that even before this latest incident, I was annoyed that Mel Gibson -- a man with very conservative gender politics in the real world -- was given the opportunity to satirize sexism in the 2000 romantic comedy, What Women Want. It felt wrong that a sexist man got to make fun of sexism and get props for it. Now I can see that there is retroactive value in that casting decision. If Gibson ever puts the pieces of his broken life and reputation back together, perhaps the talented director can make an autobiographical documentary feature about his own abusive behavior. The title has already written itself: What Women Don't Want.

To see the original post and comments on The Huffington Post, go to:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jackson-katz/mel-gibson-and-a-teachabl_b_663016.html

Victim Blaming: The Today Show is Ridiculous

While the Mel Gibson story is still fresh, many news outlets are discussing the fight caught on tape by radaronline.com.

Most analysis is limited but one I found was so horrific I had to post about it.

The wonderful Men's Anti Violence Council has an extended analysis of the Today Show's attempt at addressing the abuse endured by Mel Gibson's partner. The Today Show's Chief Medical Editor, Dr. Nancy Snyderman, made this statement about the taped conversation:

This is not to excuse any of the behavior on either side, but she was very passive aggressive. She was baiting him and really knew which buttons to push. She kept pushing, pushing him. When questioned by Meredith, Dr. Nancy clarified by saying She knew how to engage the rage. She was very quiet, used a soft voice. She pushed him, pushed him, pushed him in a very passive aggressive way.

First, this statement implies Oksana (or any victim of Domestic Violence) was partial at fault for the assault she endured. No one can EVER do ANYTHING to deserve (Dr. Snyderman says "bait" which reads deserved) emotional or physical assault from a partner. If a partner is a batterer, it is a learned behavior that can emerge with any partner -- it has nothing to do with the victim.

Dr. Nancy Snyderman is also an example of someone with absolutely no experience or expertise in domestic violence that feels she can pass judgement on a situation she does not understand. Dr. Snyderman is a ear, nose, and throat doctor (a degree that teaches nothing of the psychological and social causes of DV) and has a platform to discuss a very serious and violent epidemic.

It is this type of media coverage that encouraged us, at Sojourn, to start this blog and I am glad I can write about this infuriating discussion of DV. Hopefully I have dispelled some misconceptions about DV that were reinforced by the Today Show interview.